Date #1 Ashley Sequel?
Posted: August 12, 2009
Update
After discussing the events of Hurricane Ashley with my friends and Dating Coach, the decision was made that if Ashley was going to receive a second chance, it would have to be at a neutral location with a lot of people. Yes, I said it; a good friend of mine self proclaimed herself as my dating coach. Hey, who am I to argue with a woman that has no problem giving me her opinion. Otherwise, I was instructed to inform her that, “I had a great time, but a friendship with you would be safer.”
I sent her a good morning text and left it at that. I chose not to text her again until I heard back from her. This goes against everything I would normally do. This is where most Nice Guys would go absolutely nuts, not hearing from someone after a date. I am talking from personal experience, not an observation. Nice Guys will always go above and beyond to communicate with a woman they are interested in. When women see this, it usually gives off a vibe of insecurity or a lack of confidence. My opinion on this is, the “Nice Guy” pushes women too hard to get constant reassurance. Women, on the other hand, do not have the patience or the desire to have to constantly reassure a man of their position.
So, I listened to the advice of my friends, and we all know hard it is to heed such advice. Why? Well, it is usually because we hate the answers they give us. I continue my day knowing there is really nothing I can do except wait. I get a text from her around three in the afternoon. I chose to begin the conversation by reassuring her that I respected her position on slowing down. I asked her if she wanted to start over and try a real date this time. The next text message I receive is, “You came on too strong.” I responded with, “I have a bad habit of doing that, but you did also.”
After some more texting we agreed to try for Friday. As the conversation continued throughout the day, she started all over again, hitting on me and wanting more. This is the same thing that happened yesterday. Now, I am starting to feel like a booty call or something and that is just not going fly. I changed the subject and asked her where she wanted to see the movie. She recommends downtown at one of the really popular theaters. Since I have never been there, I agree to the idea. Then she hits me with a curve ball. I never saw this coming. She throws out the idea of a night on the town, followed by getting a hotel room, and ordering room service while sitting in a Jacuzzi tub. I was mistaken to think that she was joking. Apparently, she was not. Here are the next few texts in conversation format for your enjoyment.
Me: That is a bit pricey… We can do some of it.
Ashley: Pricey huh?
Me: Yeah, you want a room with a Jacuzzi in it…
Ashley: They are $150 tops; I did not mean a suite.
Ashley: I thought you were a guy who takes care of his girls.
Me: I do emotionally and physically, but I do not throw money at them.
Ashley: I thought you were a guy with money… My Bad!
This pretty much ended the conversation as well as any notion of a future date. I am, by no means, materialistic and I will not be with someone who puts so much demand on being pampered like that on a second date. This ended the conversation between Ashley and me. She needs a friend more than she needs a booty call, so I offered to be a friend and listen to her, nothing more…
After discussing these final events, one of my friends decided to recite the ancient proverb “Well you know, Nice Guys always finish last”. I replied, “In this case apparently Nice Guys don’t get to finish at all.” Of course we all get a good laugh out of each other’s misfortunes; this time it was most definitely my turn.
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Posted: August 7, 2009
I met Ashley through a mutual friend; we exchanged numbers and I gave her a call Sunday evening. The conversation went well, but then again that part always does. My phone almost died during the conversation; that kinda happens when you go on talking for 3 hrs. The topics were pretty general ranging from college, work, goals, and what kind of interests we both had. We end the conversation making plans for Wednesday. I felt pretty happy about the whole thing.
The next morning, I woke up to a nice surprise text message saying “Good Morning Doll. You’re a really great guy.” Now I am a little stoked and my ego is moving up in the world. So, I try to be cool about it, and more reserved than normal, and I respond with “Morning, thanks, you’re pretty cool too.” She ends up texting me during the day and making small talk. As the conversation continues she starts hitting on me pretty strongly. So I am thinking “Wow, This is looking like it could go somewhere.” She shifts gears on me again and decides that she wants to see me tonight rather than wait till Wednesday. I had no really important plans, so I said ok…
I saw plenty of signs that this could be very bad or very good; but who listens to that little voice? So, I went. I arrived at her place around 9. She let me in and we went into the kitchen. As she turned to ask me if I wanted something to drink, I kissed her. Why you ask? Because this girl was teasing me all day long and following the kiss, I responded with “now we are even”. We sat and chatted on the couch for a few and she offered me a beer. We went down to the Bar/Game room area where a 50 or 60 inch TV sat. We grab our beer and sit down on the couch where she tries to figure out the remote and eventually gives up. We talk for a while longer then the kissing starts again. She kissed me different than I am used to. I am not complaining at all about this but, she was kinda nipping my lip while she was kissing me and it was new. There was no way I was gonna try that back though, being that I probably would of done it too hard and ended up taking a chunk out of her lip or something. I really didn’t want to explain that to an emergency room… So within moments she is on top of me kissing…and I am not arguing.
I get some air and change the subject to food – yeah calm the conversation down a little. She had made some chicken nuggets while I was driving over. So, I have chicken nuggets in one hand and a beer in the other while I am sitting on a couch watching Jaws chew on a fish. So as we are talking she is complaining about being hot. And of course, I say something cheesy. “Yes I can see that…” She apparently does not like compliments. Well you know what, I can count more girls in my life who cannot take a compliment than those who can… and do you know how strange that is? It really tempts me to just go around saying, “Hey chick, you look fat in those jeans today” or “yeah you know that shirt your wearing, well it makes people stare at you in ways that make you look like you’re the biggest triple grade A steak that they have ever seen.” Anyone ever try this? If you do, not on my advice, let me know how it turns out!
So eventually she decides we should go into the pool. Of course I never planned on getting into a pool on the way over but, she is already stripped down to a bra and panties. So I do what any normal guy age 16 and up that has enough confidence and ego to do and I strip down to my Family Guy boxers. She realizes that we need towels. I say, “I would offer to go but I have no idea where to look”. She goes back inside and I start testing the water. I am about knee deep when she calls me back to the house. I come back in and ask her what’s up and she says, “A bug came in, it’s huge, and I cannot find it to kill it”. I look around the house from where I am standing and then turn on the kitchen light to see if I can locate the bug. She says, “I don’t think I wanna swim anymore.” I, of course, offer to go get our clothes. I come back in and she is gone. I hear her call me from downstairs, “bring them down here”. I bring the clothes down and drop them on the table. She comes out of a side room, giving that look that basically says… “Oh. It is on!”
Shortly after the deed had commenced, she freaks out, pushes me back, and says “Do you want me to finish you? Did you finish already?” Not only am I shocked to hear a woman say this, but it’s only been 2 minutes. Before I can even answer she bolts for the bathroom and disappears for a few minutes. I cannot help but laugh to myself quietly. Then she comes out looking all distraught and telling me, “I thought I wanted to do it, but after I got it, I realized I really didn’t.” I, at this point have no idea what to say, she is Ms Prim and Proper one second and Ms Porn Star another. I don’t know which side I am dealing with at this point so I put my clothes back on as she apologizes for me not “finishing” and asking me if I was hurting. Then she proceeds to explain to me how she does not even know my last name. Without thinking I say, “That is ok, you couldn’t pronounce it anyway”. Giving in, I tell her my last name and she looks at me confused for a second. After that weird moment of silence, she decides to tell me we need to slow down because we skipped some steps… Now to be honest, I was 50/50 on whether to feel bad or just write this off as a line; so I do the manly thing and say that I am completely ok with it. Being that, I am really wanting something more anyway, I can handle it
Replaying this scenario in my head, I am torn. Don’t get me wrong, I am ok with slowing down, but confused on what the right way to have handled this situation would have been. I got a few opinions from my friends on the female side of the house and just about everyone one of them is super model material. Yes being the nice guy has its advantages; but it is like being in car dealership with all Ferrari’s; you can look but no TOUCHY! This is where I came to an intersection I was not sure of. If a woman throws herself at you almost completely naked and you do not go for it, you would think she would be embarrassed and rejected and that you’ve killed your chances of anything happening with her in the future. On the other hand, if you do go through with it, then she’ll feel like you will not respect her as a person. I am going to give you some advice. I may not seem like the best person for it, but remember this is coming from a romantic – CARPE DIEM! You only live once, so if you get the chance to do something that you want to, do not pass it up. If you want to ask a girl or guy out, just do it. If you get a chance to kiss and make out or do the deed, (of course with practicing safe sex) just do it. Live life to fullest; if it does not work out, so what? But do not go on with your life saying what if, or regretting a decision.
So with my train wreck of date at its end, and this all took place in just under 2 hrs, I went home laughing and saying to myself, “Yeah, I saw that coming.”
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Posted: August 3, 2009
I am blogging mostly about my dates. Why? Because they are funny, and I want to learn from these experiences, spark discussion, questions, and to always end everything on a positive note. When you start looking at things in a negative light, it makes it that much harder to pick yourself back up. My view on life has been the same for a very long time. I was gifted with a big heart and cursed with a sense of selflessness. I was given a lot of experiences in life that I am glad I was a part of, and given a lot of great friends to along with them. So my advice to everyone is this:
To the ones who go through the hard times:
Take the hand your offered. Your friends are there for you and the last thing you need is to be alone and sulk. Do something to exert all that energy that is built up. If you store it, all of that energy will turn in a negative direction. I have been known to do this, so I am speaking from experience. But when I let my friends in and talk about it, coping becomes a lot easier.
To the ones trying to offer support:
I understand positive reinforcement is a great thing; but sometimes telling someone they are a great person, is just not enough. Sometimes, telling stories of your own misfortunes and giving them something to relate to is a much better tactic. Just do not tell a story that is going make you cry. By telling them of your misfortune, you not only take away their chance to argue “you do not know how I feel”, but you also show them that it’s ok to laugh at yourself.
Then… Make them do something, whether it is some sort of manual labor, going to the club, sitting around the TV watching the game, or putting a game controller in their hand expelling pent up violence on some poor pixels on a screen.
When it comes to “Self Analysis” and reflection on anything that we have experienced, it is extremely hard to say, “Next time I will do this better” or ” I will be sure not to do that again”. Let’s face it, this is extremely hard to do, and I personally know very few people who can do it. If you want a great analogy here is one: we all have friends that say “Oh I am on a diet, I really need to watch what I eat” and two hours later, you are sitting at a restaurant with them they have ketchup on their shirt, because they are trying to maneuver a double stacked monster burger with all the extras into their mouth at just the right angle to maximize the enjoyment of each bite.
Everyone is blessed with friends and family that care about them. I on the other hand won the lottery in this area. I am by no means trying to brag, but giving credit where credit is due; and it is very well deserved, each one of them deserves a medal. All the people in my life have impacted me to such a degree, it has forged the man that is now having this conversation with you and sharing all of these events as they unfolded. Now do not get me wrong, I am very capable of looking at things objectively, but as my dad has always said, “Sometimes other people can see things that we just cannot see.” The lesson being that we have all had those “I told you so” moments and they are no fun when you’re on the receiving end, but sometimes we need them. These people in our lives make it possible for us to handle every situation that comes up and remove that ominous and impossible feeling from the equation. Everyone can say it worked out in the end. It may not be instant or even in a few days; I am merely saying you always have shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to. You even have mine if you want it. See how nice I am. Don’t say I never gave you anything, besides a good laugh!
Now my three best friends have that perfect balance of “Sorry to hear that” and reminding me to laugh at my misfortunes and disasters. Now let’s be honest and clear, we are always glad when our friends are happy. For example: “Hey Billy, I know you sleep better knowing that it wasn’t me that jumped my motorcycle over six cars and hit an on coming mini van full of nine year olds on their way to the Ice cream parlor. Nor did I break my leg in three places.” You know they are making fun of you for having done it, but telling you to be happy that they did not suffer such a horrific misfortune. All you can say, from the bottom of your heart, is “Thanks”.
On the female side of the house, I have some of the most down to earth, honest, take no crap, strong willed and incidentally, very attractive, women that I have ever met! Now guys if you’re gonna go shopping for clothes, make sure you have one or two of these friends around. It’s amazing how this type of woman can comfort you when disaster strikes and manage to still remind you that you are stupid for ever even having considered it regardless of how many times they warned you. Now these moments are often, so do not ignore their advice after two or three repeat offenses. They may not be as nice the next time around!
So with all these friends, the points of views, and opinions that they have offered me in the past as I look back; I am really proud to say, I like who I am and what I stand for! I have learned so much just being there for them and being kicked by them when I get out of line. This allows me to have a very constructive view on everything that happens. There is no way you can go wrong or feel down, when you see your friends and they are always happy to see you! Show me a person that cannot be positive about something like that and I will show you where to put your foot….
Disclaimer: I am using a naming system, similar to that of the weather channel. For the first Date I will use a name that begins with A and then proceed through the alphabet. As for when I talk about things in this blog, these events will be talked about only from my point of view and should not be tried at home. So for example, just because my friend managed to get away with peeing over a balcony into a fountain in the middle of a hotel in Mexico and does not get arrested, does NOT mean be that the guy with one of those shirts that screams “I am a tourist, come mug me”, who happens to not be gifted with the same balance while being equally drunk and falls over the balcony and into the fountain… getting arrested, should try following in his footsteps. Note, any stupid people I do mention in here were possibly injured, jailed or fined some ridiculous amount of money in the events that transpired, but no one died….. Do not tarnish this record!
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